In writing this article, I’m pretty much killing any chance I have of working at Apple. That has been a dream of mine since I was young — and by young, I don’t mean in my late teens. I mean since I was ten or eleven. Apple is constantly touted as a great company to work for, offering excellent pay and benefits. The fact that they also create some of my favorite products just makes it that much more interesting. Because of this, I’ve interviewed to work at Apple Stores no less than four times. After all, who wouldn’t want to spend their day talking about things they enjoy?

Having worked in “fun” retail before (GameStop), I do understand that every job is still a job, and there would certainly be parts of working for Apple that I wouldn’t like. I’d probably find some of the customers annoying, and I’m sure I’d be looking forward more to my days off than my days on. I don’t hold any illusions about the fact that it would be work, it’s just that from what I’ve heard it would be work that I wouldn’t find unbearable and would be decently compensated for.

My first interview with Apple came before Apple Stores even existed. Long ago, in the halcyon days of 2004, I interviewed to be an Apple representative at the local CompUSA. It was a fairly general position that would require me to be both salesman and maintainer of floor models. Though the job was offered to me, I had to turn it down. It was part-time, with no chance of more hours later, and the hours it offered conflicted with my full-time job. With the creation of Apple Stores and downfall of CompUSA coming a few years later, sticking with my assistant manager position GameStop(which became a store manager position just a few months later) was probably the right decision.

Since then, I have had three more interviews with Apple, each less personal and involved than the last. The earliest, just a few years later in 2006, was at the Apple Store in Woodfield Mall. My interview wasn’t particularly long, just a one-on-one meeting on a bench outside the store. I never heard back from them. I called once or twice to follow up, but was never put in contact with the person I interviewed with. I either gave up or was told the position was filled, I can’t recall which.

The next interview with Apple occurred in late 2009. It was a general interview for a number of open positions, administered over the phone. The call lasted perhaps fifteen minutes, and a few days later I received an call saying I was not chosen for a second interview. At the very least, the Apple representative was very polite this time around.

My final interview with Apple was last week. In preparation for the opening of a new store in the Chicago area, Apple held a hiring event over several days. It was being held in the Loop, which meant I had to take two trains and travel almost two hours to get there. The event was a group interview, and I found myself in a room with something near thirty people. First, they gave us some time to fill out a couple questionnaires, one of which covered knowledge of Apple products. I’m sure I aced that. I would hesitate to call myself a fanboy, but the only questions across a single double-sided sheet that gave me pause regarded pro apps like Final Cut.

The toughest part of filling them out was the clipboards themselves; they were some kind of semi-flexible plastic that was a pain to write on. I’m known for my usually-impeccable handwriting, and I couldn’t write in a straight line of this thing to save my life. Why they couldn’t have me answer these questions online and save some time is also beyond me. I was contacted via email for the interview, and we had to fill out a number of forms online before showing up for our appointment. It certainly would have left more time for the interview proper, or shaved some time off of it.

Shortly afterward, four managers took about ten minutes to banter and introduce themselves, then asked us to interview the person next to us. They asked us to find out their name, why they wanted to work for Apple, and a fun fact about them. After a few minutes, we were asked to present the person we’d talked to. I briefly introduced the person next to me, and my partner did the same for me. The rest of the group proceeded to do the same.

When the introductions were completed, a representative took a moment to get a show of hands regarding which Apple products we owned or wanted. This was followed by a puff-piece about why it’s so great to work at an Apple store, which is completely unnecessary when you’ve got a room full of people who own your products and have filled out an application. Following this, another presenter told us about the various positions available. Again, this in my opinion was unneeded, or at least too long. I don’t see the purpose in pitching me something when I’m ready to buy.

Following this, we were again split into pairs to role-play as customers and salespeople. Every pair performed twice, so that each partner could perform both roles. My parter from the previous interaction was partnered with a latecomer, so I performed with one of the interviewers. After the interviewers presented a sample role play, they watched us. I resisted the urge to go off-script and re-enact some Michael Scott bits, instead playing my customer role as it was written (celebrity buying a stack of iPods for his entourage), then performing my role as salesperson with enthusiasm.

ME: Hello, welcome to Apple! (Shakes hands with CUSTOMER*)
CUSTOMER: Hi, I need a computer.
ME: Awesome. What were you looking to do with it?
C: I have tons of pictures. Like, thousands.
ME: iPhoto. Comes with every Mac. It’ll help you organize them, and it even has facial recognition to help you sort them by who’s in ‘em.
C: A lot of them are of twins.
ME: That’ll make it a little more interesting.
-At this point, the role play was ended by another interviewer-
*this is something the presenters did in their example. It’s also something car salesmen do.

After watching everyone else’s role play, the session was ended. I began the two hour trip home.

The moment the interview was over, I had a feeling I wasn’t getting called back for a second interview. The session was loaded with just-out-of-college hipsters, who are known to populate most Apple Stores. More than that, though I felt like I had wasted my time. I don’t know how much weeding you can do with approximately two minutes of interaction, and it certainly tells you nothing about the character or actual talent of the interviewee. You can glean a bit of personality from it, but people wear so many masks that even this use is suspect. You could probably weed out some undesirables who display absolutely no social knack whatsoever, but I am fairly certain I’m not one of these people. I might joke about being a hermit, but I’ve got plenty of good friends and I even spent some time in high school theatre. I know what goes into being social.

Today, I received an email that I was not selected to continue the interview process. It was a fairly short, five-sentence rejection letter that I’m sure plenty of people got. I take issue with one sentence that made me think it was because I wasn’t “hip” enough: “At this time we have chosen to move forward with other candidates that meet the needs of today.” I’m probably reading into it too much, but saying I don’t meet “the needs of today” makes me seem like a relic. At 29, that’s a pretty damning feeling.

It was surely just poorly worded, but it still gave me pause.

How often do you hear about people having a poor Apple Store experience? Have you ever heard stories of inattentive or uninformed geniuses? Have you had a bad sales experience? I’ve got several friends and coworkers that have told me they’d much prefer some people like me at the Apple Store. Most of my sales experiences at the Apple Store have been unmemorable. If it’s not in the store, they don’t know anything about it. If the store isn’t busy you can be out pretty quickly. If it is, getting out can take what feels like forever.

I’ve had three genius experiences, one bad, one decent, and one good. The bad one involves me bringing in my aging iBook G4 for a last-minute checkup before its warranty ran out. The genius looked at the system profiler for a moment and told me everything was fine, then dismissed me. I suppose that’s acceptable, but a cursory run of diagnostics and a quick check to make sure there were no outstanding repair extensions or parts recalls would have been nice. I know they existed for some iBook models released around the same time as mine.

My next experience, the decent one, involved my Grandmother’s iMac G5. Its ethernet port was not operating properly, so I brought it in for a genius appointment. Carrying it across Old Orchard was no easy task, and because she’d misplaced her warranty paperwork, its extended warranty could not be verified. The repair would have cost nearly as much as a new iMac, but the Genius recommended I just buy an Airport and install that instead. This was a far more cost-effective option, and one I had considered before bringing the iMac in. She still connects to the internet using this upgrade to this day.

My good experience is in regard to a faulty battery in my MacBook Pro. The battery failed within a few weeks of the Snow Leopard release. It was a known problem within the line, and my battery was replaced with little trouble.

What is there to take from all this? I’d be a perfectly acceptable Apple employee, that’s what. I’d be polite, knowledgeable, and proud of the brand I would have represented. I have seen the videos of people walking into Apple Stores to get an iPhone or iPad, and the line of high-fives and cheers that await them. I have never had an experience like that at any store. I was managing a GameStop during the grand release of Halo 2, the biggest entertainment event of its time. I’m not entirely unaware of the fanfare that goes along with a major product launch. However, I also know such things are not a regular occurrence. No one applauded me when I bought my 80GB video iPod, or when my friend Christina bought her MacBook Pro.

The myth that Apple Stores are somehow a postmodern Wonka tour are grossly exaggerated. I’ve never shopped at an “event” location like the flagship store in New York or the one on Michigan Avenue here in Chicago, but unless their employees are snorting cocaine cut with No-Doz, I can’t imagine they keep that sort of energy going all day, every day.

I’m done trying to get a job with Apple. Last week was a preliminary interview for around 160 positions, and the belief that within two minutes I was found lacking for every last one is, frankly, ridiculous. I have all the experience needed and, until today, I had the attitude. Now? I’m a little insulted.

I realize that writing this piece is biting the hand I’d hoped would feed me, but that last interview just rubbed me the wrong way, and I think something needs to be said about it. Apple is a big company, and they wasted a great deal of time and money on what was a mockery of an “interview.” The only conclusion I can take from the event was that they hired people based solely on age or appearance.

Does this mean I am done with Apple hardware? Probably not. I still prefer the operating system to Windows and Linux, and I think the build quality on their unibody notebooks is admirable. But I’m less inclined to buy an iPhone now that I’ve got an equally-capable Nexus One, and my interest in the iPad has never been that high.

Will I consider interviewing there again? No, absolutely not. I spent a total of four hours traveling to and from their so-called “hiring event,” and left feeling like I’d wasted my time. I felt like I’d never have been considered for a position there. I wouldn’t go so far as to call the experience degrading, but it was definitely a tremendous letdown. Every recruitment email from Apple says I’ve got what they’re looking for in the experience department. If they’re finding my personality lacking, I think the fault lies with them. I have better, more constructive things to do than get my hopes up time after time.

image credit: Apple PR

Tags: Apple, Work, Rants, Rejection